How to Keep Your Man Happy? how guys work

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In order to know how to keep your man happy, you must first understand the following - A typical man's top 3 most burning desires are A) squeezing a new pair of beautiful squeeze 'ums, B) to leave a legacy of greatness, and when those aren't possible... C) to drink beer. That's why men drink a lot of beer.

A man's brain and body are wired differently from a woman's. Man is wired to boink as many women as possible -- to impregnate them all and populate the world with his DNA. Woman is wired to boink the most powerful and successful man to GET pregnant with the BEST DNA. Does this make sense to you yet?

So do you have a what it takes to keep your man interested and keep your man happy? When a woman cheats how often does she hook up with some scrubby dude and says, "Oh well! I'm cheating on my man because I want some random jammy in my hoo-ha!" No - she cheats with a guy she considers to be more successful or cooler or hotter than her current man. This could be the lead singer of a band, a high-powered executive, a brave fireman... and the ultimate for any woman -- the cool bartender who actually owns the bar and is a part-time fireman... when he's not on tour with his mega-popular rock group named "Magic Fingers."

When a GUY cheats, however, it doesn't have to be with a girl who is hotter or more successful than his current girlfriend. Sure, a guy PREFERS a hot chick, but he craves variety. He craves the ego-trip that another woman wants him. This is why guys will sometimes boink a gnarly-walrus looking woman. He may not keep her around for a relationship, but he boinks her just because he craves sex in general and she was the easiest to get.

You have to realize that most guys don't go for the hottest girl. They go for the easiest girl who is hot ENOUGH. This is why many dudes have a girl with whom they've done he slobby-kebaby -- who if you showed them her picture in the light of day -- their face would turn red. Then lime green. Then back to normal as they wipe the chunks of regurgitation off their shirt. After all of this, tell me again, do you know how to keep your man? Easy. Keep your man happy! It's much simpler than you think.

Remember my simple formula to determine your rating as a girlfriend - YOUR HOTNESS RATING minus YOUR ANNOYING RATING minus YOUR PSYCHO RATING = how well you stack up as a girlfriend. Stop nagging him. Stop being crazy jealous. I realize these two things are easier said than done.

Try your best not to be petty. Don't have so many rules. Choose your battles. When he doesn't do the stuff you want, he probably is not INTENDING to disrespect you or fail to show his appreciation. If you FEEL disrespected or unappreciated, you MUST TELL HIM. Men like black and white, simple directions and feelings. If you want to keep your man interested and loyal, you must understand the following:

No matter how much you want him to, 99.999999% of men cannot read your mind. And they don't understand HINTS, like when you say, "pick your socks up off the damn floor". Tell him this 100 times and he'll only hear that you're annoying and have a sock-phobia. Instead, say the following ONCE.

YOU: Sweetheart, when you leave your dirty socks on the floor it makes me feel like you expect me to be your maid and that you are disrespecting me. It means a lot to me when you pick up after yourself. When you do that it makes me feel like you appreciate me. It makes me feel like you really care about me and love me.

HIM: The socks are that important?

YOU: Not the socks. You treating me like you love me. The socks are a super simple way for you to SHOW me that you care about me. Now, I know you will take care of it. So tell me what can *I* do for you to show you that I really care about you?

HIM: Um... I really like it when you wrap your lips around my uh... you know.

YOU: OK, but do you promise to wash yourself down there more often?

HIM: Got it! You don't like dirty socks or dirty uh... I'm so happy we had this talk!

Remember, men are black and white. On the other hand, men who are rainbows, are... Not likely to be true man material - at least, not for you.